- Don’t fly an airline where your checked bags might cost more than your seat.
- If they have Wi-Fi, don’t use it. You’ll end up doing exactly what you do at your desk. Watch a movie. Read a book.Tune out and shut off.
- Be nice to the stewardess; she got drunk and passed out at the Midway Hotel in Newark last night.
- Take advantage of the #1 rule of air travel: no matter what time it is, it’s always acceptable to drink.
- Unless it’s to a remote island, the word “Connection” should not appear on your itinerary.
- Never drive yourself to the airport when your flight is over two hours. Odds are, you’ll be getting off the return flight smashed.
- When you squeeze by me, don’t give me “the ass” or “the crouch”; just don’t get up. If you must, allow me time to move into the aisle to make way for you.
- Louis Vuitton in Economy class. No matter how you look at it, your priorities are screwed up.
- Spare change should never be the reason for holding up the security line.